A few years ago, I received a surprise visit from a grieving uncle — the husband of a beloved aunt who had recently passed away. A contemplative man, he has always exuded a quiet strength during a lifetime of Christmas visits and summer clambakes. In all the years I’ve known him, we’d shared only a handful of one-on-one conversations.
But on this particular evening, we lingered at the kitchen table after finishing our bowls of chili, and I felt a strong urge to stay in the moment. Pushing aside my anxiety about the messy kitchen, I sat still and listened to his story of loss.
Maybe he appreciated the chance to share his grief, but I think it did more for me. Later, I wondered why I had never taken the time to know him better. Then I thought about all the other people who have helped make my life full but never had my full attention. That conversation with my uncle was both a wake-up call and an unexpected gift. The dishes can wait. People, especially those who have quietly stood on the sidelines of our lives, shouldn’t have to.
There’s a wealth of research showing that our relationships often improve with age. For some, retirement provides the time to nurture those bonds. But there’s likely more to it than simply having more hours in the day. According to Socioemotional Selectivity Theory, as we grow older and perceive our future as shorter, we naturally choose to invest in what is emotionally meaningful — like relationships that bring happiness and support.
This season can bring its own assortment of unexpected gifts, if we can step away from our routines and messy kitchens long enough to receive them. They can be as simple as a small act of kindness or as profound as discovering a connection that feels like family.
VPAS Cafes offer their own unexpected gifts — moments of friendship, connection, and joy — during the upcoming holiday season and all year long. Cafes welcome adults 60 and over throughout the region, and there is no cost to participate. A cafe program includes lunch and the opportunity to visit with others, along with educational programs, music, crafts, volunteer projects and more.
In our Amazon “buy now” holiday culture, it’s easy to overlook the things that don’t make it onto a list. But that’s often where the magic happens. Sometimes, all it takes is one conversation — to offer forgiveness for a past mistake, to help a stranded traveler, or to remember a joy that had quietly slipped away.
-Leigh-Anne Lees, VPAS Community Relations Director